Compliance Carnival

1. 

   Ticket 01 · Car 01 · 825293755426-01

   Verse 1

   1. It's Monday morning, coffee's cold
   2. The audit checklist's twelve pages long
   3. My eyes are glazed, my soul is sold
   4. To section four, subsection B, paragraph one
   5. I got a form to validate the form
   6. A spreadsheet tracking every spreadsheet made
   7. And somewhere in this regulatory storm
   8. There's a checkbox I forgot to grade

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2. 

   Ticket 02 · Car 02 · 825293755426-02

   Chorus

   1. Welcome to the Compliance Carnival!
   2. Step right up, the stakes are not small
   3. One wrong signature, we all fall
   4. Come on down to the Compliance Carnival!
   5. Clowns in suits, a three-ring audit show
   6. Ferris wheel of risk that spins too slow
   7. Cotton candy made of red tape though...
   8. Welcome to the Compliance Carnival!

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3. 

   Ticket 03 · Car 03 · 825293755426-03

   Verse 2

   1. The vendor questionnaire's due by noon
   2. The regulator called, they need it soon
   3. My validation matrix's out of date
   4. And Legal says we gotta validate the validate
   5. I've got ISO 27001 tattooed on my brain
   6. SOC 2, GDPR, it's all the same
   7. SOX compliance has me seeing double
   8. One data breach away from regulatory trouble

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4. 

   Ticket 04 · Car 04 · 825293755426-04

   Bridge

   1. They say it's boring, yeah, I heard that too
   2. Until the day the audit comes for you
   3. The fine is seven figures, headlines say your name
   4. Suddenly compliance doesn't seem so lame

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5. 

   Ticket 05 · Car 05 · 825293755426-05

   Announcement

   1. "Please initial here, here, and here.
   2. And sign to confirm you initialed.
   3. Thank you for your compliance with our compliance compliance form."

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6. 

   Ticket 06 · Car 06 · 825293755426-06

   Call and response

   1. What do we want? (DOCUMENTATION!)
   2. When do we want it? (RETROACTIVELY!)
   3. What do we need? (EVIDENCE TRAIL!)
   4. What if we don't? (REGULATORY JAIL!)

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7. 

   Ticket 07 · Car 07 · 825293755426-07

   Outro

   1. Step right up, step right up, don't be afraid
   2. Every control has a gap that must be weighed
   3. The tightrope walker is the CISO on the wire
   4. One misconfigured bucket, and the whole tent's on fire

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8. 

   Ticket 08 · Car 08 · 825293755426-08

   Closing

   1. But hey, at least we documented it
   2. And filed it in triplicate and signed off on it
   3. Compliance Carnival, we never close
   4. (The findings report grows and grows and grows...)

   Inspected825293755426-08

Inspection point

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